POEM OF THE MONTH:

 

"INDECISIVENESS IS THE ASSASSIN OF ALL EXCELLENT IDEAS"

 

There was no right way to do it

Just a journey forward into the dark matter

 

There was no real road map or compass

No actual path carved into the damp dirt

 

No points to reach for

or highest peaks to pursue

 

Just a burning need to keep walking

Just a burning desire to stay upright and moving in some vague direction

 

Although I was off-balance

Although I was off-centre

Off-course

Off-beat

Off-kilter

 

Although I was turned off almost everything everyone else was turned on by

 

Some days it was the venom

the viciousness

the never-ending car chase

the high-speed pursuit

the politics of how to burn this shit to the ground

the philosophies of never stop trying

Or just a well placed exclamation mark

 

Some days it was just another poet

saying what I wish I had the guts to

Pouring out their intestines on a stage in some small American town

In some lonely shit-hole

  

She became my North Star

 

Not 'she' the poet

 

She the sentence

She that thing that got it done

That moved me when I had become stagnant

A cess-pool

A monolith

She that thing that anchored my reasoning to someone else's being

 

She diverted from the centre a few times

But sat in a direction still vaguely north

That North Star

 

As my legs still vaguely carried me forward

 

Towards her

 

Towards that feeling

Of hitting a nail on its head

Of the subtlety of pure power

Of spitting hot flames in the face of a dragon

Of just finding the right words to say how it is that I'm living right now

 

Though I wasn't always sure of who she was and where she was leading me

Even when I was flailing in the wind

I still knew:

 

Uncertainty is the stalker of all great plans

Indecisiveness is the assassin of all excellent ideas

And not knowing what the fuck to do next

Is the best way to make sure you don't do shit

That’s for sure

 

So I keep moving forward

 

Even when I know these goals will change tomorrow

 

Even when the goal posts move and my reasons for staying alive converge with my reasons for giving up

 

Even when the challenges go far beyond the extent of my abilities

 

Even when the flame flickers and the darkness seems thicker than before I started

 

Even when I am the sole reason why I can't escape the quicksand, and I know my struggle only buries me deeper

 

Even when I convince myself every single person reading this is against me

 

I walk on

With no map or compass

No pre-trodden paths or breadcrumbs to follow

No flashlight or need to clear the fog

 

I let it sit there

Hang in the ether like a gift-wrapped earth

Float on my future like a welcome ghost

 

With nothing more than a commitment to hitting nails on their heads

All day long

Each in their moments

Each in a line

Each on their perfect angles and beams

Across the form work and architraves

 

Through the hallways and hard days

 

So that one day we may build a house

 

I can finally lay to rest in

 

 

- Luka Lesson